Hurt People Hurt

It's me

I'm hurt

Hello everyone my name is x you can call me y and let's use pseudonym for this restricted purpose only as z (please don't use, adapt, remake, or share or anything this story without my permission anywhere moreover for commercial or monetary purpose)

Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatu

Audzubillahiminasyaitonirojim

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim

Let me introduce myself first. So, I was born in the capital city of Indonesia, Jakarta and now I'm 26 years old living with my parents in South Tangerang, Banten still close to Jakarta actually. I was a happy and healthy kid when I was a child, alhamdulilah, thanks for my mom and everyone who help make it happened whom I can't name it one by one but may Allah SWT reward you all insyaAllah.

I was mentally sick in my last years of college life

I got social anxiety

I got panic attacks

I even fall into depression (I'm fine now alhamdulilah)

It all started when I'm in my highly pressuring years of getting a degree

I was live in a really stressful and pressured condition

But I still force myself to be social, to join social gathering, it happened when the night of anonymous message/confession at farewell party

Damn party is haram, it should be haram, even without alcohol if it's only wasting time and not necessarily beneficial (jk, nope, I'm still those who follow opinion it isn't always haram like normal wedding party is actually still okay, in a normal world, without pandemi)

Long story short it happened quite like this

I'm sorry for being so time efficient 😐 So that's how I got my social anxiety

I always got many criticism when exchanging anonymous message to each other when doing muhasabah together (reflection), I know I'm not perfect anyway, but that day taste extremely different

And fyi which is even sadder (or lucky I guess) two of my friends, female too, who got criticized in the same message with same sender are absent... I can't actually blame anyone except myself, for self-development and self-improvement purpose I just accept it (I tell myself may be I just didn't pray much at least dhikr of protection, so shaytan use that chance, and to be honest those two friends are quite religious too in certain side or some way they are more religious than me) and that's how the characteristics of mukmin though, to keep grinding ourselves, which we should try to apply in our every day life, but damn... girls' world is freakin brutal (well I actually don't know whether the sender male or female, oops sorry 😬 sotoy aja)

Many of my friends are actually very kind, some console me and even said it's just jealousy. May be for two others, yes. But I'm not that kind of person someone should be jealous of I'm just normies as a student not like two of my friends. Some being supportive, and I should just shrugged it under the carpet, but I can't, there's a little truth in it... Though it's a harsh criticism. And though it could be more softer like milk in a more suitable environment, condition, or place like in private.

And that's the story how I know and now frequently reading/recite some dua/dhikr of protection... A bless in disguise indeed. May be to be continued, may be not... Bye. Wassalamu'alaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatu. I actually want to keep it to myself till the day I die or just disclose it to few people but maybe it could be a reminder for all, first of all myself, to be aware of our criticism, moreover in a semi anonymous world like this online or digital realm. Wuallahu'alam.

*Note: Triggered by waluh kukus thread 😅

You know why I can't really critic vice president? Or if I criticized him I delete it directly after few times? Now you know

And also now you know why you should be kind and patient with fans (including haters bcs I always state hater is a hidden fan indeed) or people in particular... It's a chance to level up... Door of rizq/provision or hidden blessing anyway