Midnight. Thinking. In my bed.

So today, fear comes again. A fear of tomorrow. Night is short when what you really want is just to postpone tomorrow. But time, never stop in any case. I know, it's not okay to live in uncertainty, but sometimes certainty lead you to a moment of regret--not always, I know.

But, do you know? I am that person who deny every regret. I'd rather choose to say "may be next time..." than "what if..." may be today I'm just a little bit sad and tired to think about my alibi of situation after certainty--my denial of regret. I don't want to think anymore, I just want to daydreaming all day long. Ah... I just wanna sleep. I really don't know why am I so lazy? Sometimes I hate to think about my planning progress. I just want to dream and sleep. I'm afraid of the future, anxious and worry.

Sometimes I really love the past, because whatever and however it is, I already can passed it. No more worry and anxiety about that. But future? Sometimes, I am really afraid my future would be worse than my present. I know it's not good. All I have to do is do the best, and let God do the rest. But I'm just afraid.

Well, It's not a 'I-wanna-be-forever-young' syndrome. I do love growing up. Be mature. And of course transform from a girl to a lady. What I'm afraid of is a spinning wheel... I mean you do know about the quote that "Life is like a wheel, sometimes you're up, sometimes you're down." How about my life? I always think my life is a grateful life, full of blessing and happiness... so am I up now? And my future will be down? Or am I to often to escape from going down?

Ah God you're the want who made this heart, please bring tranquility here. God you're the one who made me please guard me. God please give me braveness to face to fact that was destined for me. Please...