Dear diary,
"today I convinced myself
it was ok to give up.
"Don't take risks.
"Stick with
the status quo.
"No drama, now is
just not the time.
"But my reasons aren't reasons,
they're excuses.
"All I'm doing is hiding from the truth,
and the truth
is that..."
I'm scared, Stefan.
I'm scared
that if I let myself
be happy for even
one moment...
that..."today I convinced myself
it was ok to give up.
"Don't take risks.
"Stick with
the status quo.
"No drama, now is
just not the time.
"But my reasons aren't reasons,
they're excuses.
"All I'm doing is hiding from the truth,
and the truth
is that..."
I'm scared, Stefan.
I'm scared
that if I let myself
be happy for even
one moment...
the world is just going
to come crashing down,
and I--
I don't know
if I can survive that.
***
"Dear diary,
"Hari ini aku meyakinkan diriku bahwa tidak apa-apa menyerah.
Jangan mengambil risiko.
Pertahankan status quo.
Tiada drama, sekarang bukan waktunya.
Tapi alasanku bukanlah alasan, itu pelarian.
Semua yang kulakukan adalah bersembunyi dari kebenaran,
dan kebenarannya adalah... "